// Why love is the center our lives?//

A year ago, I wrote something about love…

This year I’ll do the same.

You know when you watch some of those cheesy romantic movies and you start to question where these guys come from? or when you listen to those songs that make you have a platonic crush on the artist? or maybe the lead character of this book you are reading it’s just perfect?

Human beings are drawn to have an everlasting desire to find love. Think about it for a moment. Music and books: they all talk about love, maybe the feelings they had before the relationship or during the relationship and we can’t forget the strong feeling of heartbreak when that relationship ends. If they are not talking (or singing) about it, they talk about the love they have for their mother, father, sister, daughter, son or a friend. Maybe you are asking about the famous “hate songs”, well my friend when you hate someone probably it’s because you have loved them before, if not, it’s because that person hurt someone that you love, yourself included. Movies: Maybe when you watch those cheesy movies you see this gorgeous guy that says and do the right things, and we fall instantly in love because we are drawn to the idea of that person and want to have that kind of love, if you are a guy maybe you watch these movies and see this beautiful girl with blue eyes and long hair and hate it because you can’t have her, she’s not real. Deep inside of us we all love those movies, songs and books, you want to admit it or not. But why is that?

Why do we go to a new place and see this girl or guy and think:” hey he/she seems nice, I want him/her to be my friend”? or maybe you see this person from your opposite sex and do and say whatever it takes for them to love you as much as you do? or when you are in a group of people and you don’t say what you are thinking because you are afraid of rejection?  why do we have to be accepted? why do we want to be cherish and important to someone? why do we need to feel secure and confident? and why do we have the need to have this strong feelings for things and people? 

Why love is the center our lives?

Love it’s EVERYWHERE.We need it, it’s part of us. Love makes us complete. We can’t live  without love, that’s why it’s represented by the most important organ of our body and that  is our hearts, without it we can’t live. If our heart stops our life stops. The human being needs to love and be loved. That’s our nature it’s like we are design to have this insatiable desire to feel loved and give love. And the evidence of all of this it’s in the Bible, it’s right there and for years I didn’t even realized it. I get so angry because I lost a lot of time thinking and convincing myself that love doesn’t exists, that all of those music, books and movies were just some kind of publicity trick to get all our money by selling us an idea of love… real love. But now I realized the thing that those people call love, it’s somehow a cheap version of love, it doesn’t even begin to describe real love, and the sad part of all it’s that we conformed ourselves to that little non important and cheap version of love, and we are even capable to do whatever it takes to get it, without thinking the consequences. The answer I wasn’t looking but somehow found and for sure won’t let it go is:

GOD IS LOVE

God is love! That’s the answer you are looking for. God it’s the center of our existence, HE is why we are here, and that’s why we are drawn to look for him everywhere. He is the reason we are perfectly design to have the long, exhausting and beautiful search of Love. We spend our lives looking for the perfect love, the one that is pure, simple, honest and mind blowing. That kind of love that makes you feel accepted, secured, cherished, trusted and complete. But we are mostly looking for a love that lasts forever, and let me tell you something, my friend, GOD IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE. He is just patiently waiting for you to notice that you are looking for the cheap version of love in the wrong path. He is hoping that you turn around and search for the right one. When you find it, you’ll never look behind, because when you find real love there’s nothing that will ever replace it

// Born dead.//

” The day we found you”- they told me- “your body was alive, but it was dead on the inside. Like all of us, you are born dead”. All these years those words were stock in my head,  and as the time passed, I believed it too. I felt like a robot, doing the same things everyday, but there was a voice inside of me that was looking for something. I looked everywhere. My closet, under my bed, in the bathroom, books, school, library, on the sidewalk, everywhere…. I found nothing. 

“Why is that so important? What is it?”- I yelled to myself- “I hate this feeling, I hate everything around me. It’s like the world is against me, I do nothing right”.

 I ran. I didn’t know where, I just needed to run away. I ended up in this place where I found this beautiful box. Inside of it there was this book, it was old and had dust all over it. Suddenly words started to come out and go right into my heart, they made sense and I believed them. I know that something happened that night, I felt for the first time life inside of me and my vision of the world changed.

 The things that were normal, now they are not. 

It’s like my eyes were opened and I started to see awful things happening right in front of me: murder, suicides, depression, violence, fights, lies, corruption, loneliness, dropouts, death, REAL DEATH.

What’s going on? Why can’t they see? 

I yelled, shook them, jumped, painted,wrote, talked. I did everything I could to make them see what I now can see, but they didn’t listen, they didn’t care. I wanted to give them life, but they prefered death.

In my confusion and desperation I realized I’m not the one that gives life to others, but the One that gave me mine. Now I know that my job here is to teach others what I learned, guide them to the only One that can bring life into their death and never give up.

// Bus stop//

I feel like I’m in a bus stop right now. No movement.  No challenge.  Just waiting.  Everything that mattered to me it’s not important anymore, and the things that I took for granted are gone and I desperately want them back.

You know when people tell you that they are waiting for something that they don’t know but they feel that it’s a good thing? I always ask to myself, are they being positive about their situation or they say that to convince everyone, even themselves, that everything is going to be ok? The funny thing of all is that I’m in that position right now. I’m stuck waiting and waiting for something, like a bus for example, to take me to a better place. I don’t know exactly where, but I hope it’s for the best.

Everything has changed. My planned future has changed. People around me have changed. My way of seeing life has changed. I have changed.

Sometimes it feels like no matter what life plans I make to myself, it’s not my job to do it. It’s stupid and useless to think that we control every aspect of our life. That’s why I’m here in a bus stop, without plans or doubts, just waiting for the future that God has planned for me. 

// Addiction//

Sometimes I feel the need to get it…. it doesn’t matter how much it cost or if I can get in any trouble because of it, but my body desires it, wants it and desperately NEEDS it. without it, I just can’t live.

It brings me joy and happiness. I love it because it’s my escape from the crazy world that I know. I love to feel for one second freedom and endless energy to do whatever I want.

 The thing that I didn’t know was the fact that it was destroying me in the inside. At first I didn’t realize it, but after a while I saw who I was and who I am today and I have changed…. for worst.

I promised myself to let it go…

I tried, I really tried to let it go, but I couldn’t. It is part of my body now, it seems impossible living without it. When it is not in me, I’m a monster, That ugly, angry and aggressive thing that ends up hurting and destroying everything on its way. The frustrating part of all is that when I have it, it kills me and if I don’t have it I’m the killer. I don’t have any escape.

What can I do? is there someone out there that I can speak to? someone that will not judge me for who I am and who I have become? Someone that accepts me without prejudices? someone that cares?

Definitely I’m in the bottom, but the worst part is that I look up and see nothing, no light, no exit. Until I felt something inside me, I really don’t know what, but I felt different and I liked it. I told myself to be strong and brave and I finally did it!

 Now I got a new addiction and to be honest it’s the perfect addiction. My body doesn’t hurt anymore, I’m happier and for the first time I found love and support. I have learned that I’m not alone. The best part of all is that now I know that I don’t need to give my body any substance to fill my emotional pain, because it will go in a few minutes, but my problems will be still there.  

I must say it’s not easy, sometimes my body demands it like water in a hot summer day. But when I look at the sky and remember who created me and who loves me unconditionally, anything beyond that doesn’t matter anymore and in some strange way His love turns out to be my new addiction.

// Pieces//

Pieces. Little pieces. Big pieces. Pieces that we can see, pieces that we can’t see. In some mystical way they are flawlessly attract to each other like a powerful magnet. It doesn’t matter if they are close or far from each other, they always end up together. I guess that they were put into this world just to be with one and other. They belong together.

We are the product of that connection. Some people complete their puzzle in a short time, but some of us don’t find the remaining pieces to complete ourselves. The worst part of all is that sometimes the biggest and the most important piece is right in front of us and we don’t even notice it, or even worst, we purposely ignore it. 

Why?

Because we are afraid of the things that we can’t see or hear. We are too afraid of the unknown. Sometimes we are so stubborn to not accept that BIG piece that will complete our puzzle and to finally get to know ourselves. I have purposely ignored it for a long time, but now I’m willing to take the risk and trust it… trust HIM.

Now I can see all those pieces that I couldn’t see before and to understand the ones I could. But most important, I’m learning to love them for what they are, because He created me this way. Yes… there are things I gotta change, but before I do I have to be conscious of them and accept them as they are.

I’m afraid of not having enough time to put all my pieces together and finally watch my puzzle complete. I don’t want to be one of those people that keep ignoring the BIG piece for their whole life and never get to complete themselves. I’m scared to watch you incomplete your entire life knowing that the missing piece is right in front of your eyes. I’m afraid of being that person that kept the BIG piece just for myself, leaving you incomplete.